I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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