You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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