New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
