Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
