matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
