Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
