i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
