What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
