we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
