writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
