There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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