My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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