He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
