I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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