Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
