apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
