Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
