just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
