My sheets look like a crime scene.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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