After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
