I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
