sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this just has baby written all over it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
