i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
