How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
