woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
