Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
