What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
