Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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