Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
