She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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