I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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