Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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