me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
