He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
