Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
