I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
