I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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