If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
