You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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