the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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