i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
