You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
