how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
