I am puke
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
