she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The power of my boobs compel you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
