Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
