I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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