I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
