you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
