Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
