I looked at my own cervix.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
