I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize