from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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