My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
