And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my shit smells like andre
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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