Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You may now shotgun with the bride
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize