Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
