maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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