butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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