A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
