areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize