Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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