I must be too annoying 4 u.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
