Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize