You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
