You can't special order awesome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize