My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
