New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
