we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
