so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
