look no pants
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize