I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize