yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
