Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
