Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
