i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
