You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize