so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
