ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
