weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
