It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize