i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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