I wish I only lived at night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
