I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
